When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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