My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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