so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The air was thick with penises
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
