I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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