life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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