ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
