I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
