I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
