if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
