I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Randomize
