I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
