so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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