Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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