Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
