he shaved USA in his pubs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
