Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
