Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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