There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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