i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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