Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
