Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
