I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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