Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
