Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
