shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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