Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza