Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.