did you get engaged???
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
