Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.