Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks