At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.