I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.