This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.