please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
