she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
