Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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