Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
