I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
