Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
