she looked like the before picture.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
