you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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