Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize