I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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