I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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