I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
