It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
