it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
