New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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