I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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