Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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