I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
