No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
