How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
