$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
