im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
