Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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