I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
