bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
