New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
