dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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