you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
