So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
