Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
