I am spending my child support on dildos
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
