butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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