Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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