I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
