New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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