So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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