Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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