Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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