Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
