Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
