we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
