there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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