Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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