Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
