I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
