you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
farters have to be the big spoon...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
