One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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