Im at strip club and am horny
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
