I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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