So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
