I love black thongs
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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