can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
