WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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