And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
