she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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