I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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