Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
