I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
